Dear Coleen,

About two years ago, a woman started working in the office above where I work and we began talking and flirting. One thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together.

She is 10 years older than I am, but that was never a problem for me, even though she kept bringing it up.

I found her smart, funny, ­beautiful and incredibly sexy.

We had amazing sex. About six months ago she found out she was pregnant and we were both really happy about it, but she lost the baby a few weeks later while I was working away.

However, last weekend she got drunk and admitted she went with a friend to get an abortion.

When I asked her why, she said it was because someone my age shouldn’t start a family with someone her age and now she’s ended things with me.

I spoke to her friend who confirmed what happened and it has totally ­destroyed me.

I can’t believe what she’s done – it feels like she’s ripped out my heart. After she told me she lost the baby I was so upset I had to take antidepressants and now I find out she has lied to me.

She has called me since and begged me to forgive her and to give her ­another chance, but I can’t bring myself to go near her at the moment.

I used to think there was nothing she could do to make me stop loving her, but now I think I hate her for what she’s done. What should I do?

Coleen says..

If you feel you’ve reached a point where you can’t forgive her, then you have to move on. There are certain things that are hard to forgive in a relationship and for many people this would be one of them.

Could you ever make this relationship work after feeling so ­betrayed? Hate is a very destructive emotion, but it can help you to get over things in the first instance.

But I hope you don’t hate her enough to cause her trouble.

Although she should have discussed the termination with you and should never have lied to you, she must live with the ­consequences of her decision for the rest of her life. It can’t have been an easy decision to make.

I also hope this doesn’t make you ­suspicious and mistrustful of every other woman you meet because we’re not all like that.

You’re grieving and that’s normal, but you will get over it in time and be happy in the future. She might not be so lucky.